One thing I’m very passionate about is encouraging my single friends out there who are wanting to honor God and really grow during this season of life. Singleness is the time from high school up into adulthood whenever you get married. In the beginning, this time is exciting and full of adventure. It’s a time of hanging with friends, continuing your education or maybe starting to explore career options. In our society, most expect to get married in their 20s, maybe even early 30s if you’re a “late-bloomer”, but not many expect to be in their 40s or above by the time they get married for the first time.

My journey of singleness took up about 2 decades of my adult life. I married for the first time when I was 44. And while that was NOT the plan I had laid out for my life, I was able to learn, grow, adventure, and really enjoy my single years. Don’t get me wrong… there were days when I battled loneliness, wondering if I was worth it, questioning God’s love for me and what he was doing with my life. Many moments of desperation led to choices I’m not proud of, but overall, I was able to grow in my faith in God and His best plans (Jeremiah 29:11).

Because I went through such a journey, I want to share some of those experiences and what I learned so that I can encourage you on your own journey of singleness. My prayer is that you strive to live a life of godly singleness that can lead to godly relationships (including a godly marriage).

One concept that influenced me a lot during my singleness was something from the book “Choosing God’s Best”. The author reminded us that we need to focus on BEING the right person, not FINDING the right person. This stuck with me and challenged me to make sure I was listening and watching so that I could learn all God had for me during this season of life. I remember sitting in church and realizing the pastor was going to speak and encourage those in their marriage. At first, I admit, I would roll my eyes and think it would be ok for me to just walk out or zone out. But not long into the message I would concede and recognize that there was something I could learn from this sermon; that I could take good notes and do what I could to become a better person.

I also read quite a few books that highlighted how to do singleness well. One had a great title that definitely reflected some of my frustration; “If Singleness is a Gift, what’s the Return Policy”. There were others I read specifically about relationships and allowing God to be a part of your journey including “When God writes your Love Story”.

I admit, I love Hallmark movies.. I know, I know… they’re all exactly alike in concept, but I still like to see the details of how it all works out. I remember thinking that God is a much better story-writer than those Hallmark writers so I was trusting Him to write the most magnificent, stellar, blockbuster love story for ME. But in the meantime, I knew I had a few things He needed to help me straighten out.

If you read through Bible passages teaching us how husbands, wives, and even parents toward their children should act, you will find a challenging set of expectations. Husbands are to love their wives as Christ loves the church, and as they love themselves. Men, what can you do to be more like Christ; sacrificial, focused, protective, strong, connected to God through a strong relationship? How about valuing your own bodies? Are you eating well, staying active? Ladies, we are called to submit to our husbands. This means we need to be confident enough in ourselves to step back and let him take the reins sometimes. We also need to have the confidence and character to choose wisely. If I marry a less than stellar man of character, then it’s going to be very hard to submit and trust him to take the lead in our relationship. If I’m connected to God through Jesus and living in harmony with Him, then I’m going to trust God through difficult times with my husband when we struggle and disagree on things. I’ll be complete in Christ while supporting and trusting God to lead my husband. Then for those who want to be parents one day, there are passages that remind us to not provoke and exasperate our children. Do we have the maturity to be strong for our kids even when it loses a popularity contest? Do I get my kicks out of aggravating little ones around me? Do I have the strength of character it takes to lead children well, show them humility and malleability in God’s hands? These are tall orders and can definitely keep us busy during those lonely single years.

So take a minute and reflect on the character qualities God wants to refine in you. What is one that you’re willing to submit to God today? See this time as the chance to become the right person; the best version of yourself you can be. These can be some of the best years of your life.

Make sure to watch the devotion video encouraging us to “be the right person”.

Bible References:
Ephesians 5:25, 28
Ephesians 5:24
Ephesians 5:33
Colossians 3:19
1 Peter 3:7
Ephesians 6:4


For more encouragement on your journey of singleness click here

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