Being single often comes with a negative connotation. I can remember when I was young it made me feel special to think a boy liked me. My heart longed for that “special someone” to find me and bring me that happiness you see in the movies (make sure you keep yourself in check when it comes to romantic movies… they’re not actually based on reality). We were definitely created to live life in a community. God looked at Adam in the Garden of Eden and even said “It is not good for man to be alone” (Genesis 2:18). Then he made Adam a partner that was more like him; the animals weren’t enough for earthly companionship. Even though we have this wonderful intimate relationship with God that is available to every person, God made it so that human companionship was also important. I don’t necessarily think that everyone needs to get married. There are plenty of people out there who are perfectly happy living life and serving God as single people. They have the drive and desire to do it alone; however, they still need friends and community. In Hebrews, we are encouraged to NOT forsake the idea of meeting together (Hebrews 10:25). Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 also talks about the value of living life in a community.

But what about the season of singleness? What about the time of waiting and longing? I happen to be an almost 44-year old single woman who has never been married, doesn’t have any kids, and happens to even still be a virgin… (take that, Steve Carrell) so I have had a LOT of years of being single. I have had to release and even mourn a lot of the dreams I had for myself with regard to the timing of marriage and having children. I had this grand idea that I would even want to be married by 18 so I could be a young mom. As each year passed without these dreams being fulfilled I had a lot of talks with God about why. What was wrong with me? I had a handful of serious relationships dating back to my final year of college and even up until a very unhealthy attempt at a relationship a couple of years ago. I had gone through a 2-year relationship with a man I met at church that I thought surely would end in marriage… it didn’t. And the reason I got from all of them was “You’re great but…” and it honestly had nothing to do with me; there was no fatal flaw or unbearably irritating quirk. Looking back I can’t thank God enough for sparing me a lifelong tie to any of those past boyfriends, but at the time, it was tough.

I had to reevaluate many, many times throughout those years and I want to share some truths God revealed to me throughout this journey.

  1. There is more to life than getting married– I know… crazy, right? Especially for us ladies. But the truth is, we were created in the image of God to love Him and to love others (Matthew 22:37-39). How are you doing on that front right now? What is something you could work on with regard to this truth?
  2. Life is beautiful… even as a single person. There are so many adventures and opportunities that are awaiting you at this very moment that God wants you to embrace… and no, you don’t have to wait for a significant other in order to take a trip or experience something wonderful. Call up a friend or a group of friends. Go somewhere, plan a trip, grab dinner and a movie. Adventure awaits. God gave me an adventurous spirit then gave me multiple opportunities to explore. I have traveled to 13 different countries (both for mission trips and just for fun) and countless states within our own beautiful U.S.A. Most of these trips were made possible by a very good friend who happens to be a flight attendant. God can use anything to help you experience the life He has for you. I have great memories and gorgeous pictures (which you will see scattered throughout my website) that are symbols of the abundant life God gives me and are a testament to the courage to embrace His gifts as a single girl.
  3. God knows you better than you know yourself. As I continued to release and surrender my will to God’s wisdom and control, He began to reveal things to me and fill my heart with contentment. Maybe there is something God knows that you haven’t been able to understand yet. Keep surrendering your desires to Him and trust Him to make your dreams come true.
  4. God is enough. This is one I had to recite over and over and over again (and will continue to do so because getting married won’t fix me or fix any holes in my heart). It is not something that comes easily because we are constantly bombarded with movies, media, and friends’ experiences that tell us we are missing something. I pray you are able to spend quality time with God that will fill you in a way no one or nothing else can. AND He is the only one who will NEVER leave you or even let you down (Deuteronomy 31:6).
  5. God’s ways are higher than ours and no one can fathom or imagine what God has for those who love Him and are called according to His purposes (Isaiah 55:8-9, 1 Corinthians 2:9). This season of your life can be such a beneficial time to become the best person you can be, take adventures, and build friendships you won’t have time for when you get hitched. I am a MS/HS teacher and there are countless games and events I was able to attend for my students that helped build relationships that wouldn’t have taken place if I’d had a husband and children of my own. God used that time to allow me to pour in to some amazing students and build relationships that I cherish to this day. Not only that, but God truly wants to write your love story if you let him and trust him.
  6. God’s best is worth the wait! I am currently dating the best man ever. He is so perfect for me. We have so much in common, we spur each other on toward good works, we can communicate, we have so much fun together and it’s not superficial. God has used my past experiences to teach me how to communicate, be vulnerable, be confident and secure enough to ask hard questions. I can see how so much of my past has led me to this glorious place of being head over heels in love; so much so that I can be thankful for even the heartbreaks in my past (have you ever heard Bless The Broken Road by Rascal Flatts? Yes… it is true).

I challenge you to take a fresh look at your season of singleness. If God has laid the desire to be married on your heart, then I believe that He will fill that desire…in His time, in His ways. Take a minute to ask God to begin to transform your heart and give you the desire to seek Him first knowing that He will add all these other things (Matthew 6:33). Trust that when you seek after Him He will give you peace and will fulfill the desires of your heart. (Isaiah 26:3, Psalm 37:4)

I have read a few wonderful books that specifically speak to singleness and waiting on God for His best. You should definitely check them out and see which one is speaking to you at this moment.
Single, Dating, Engaged, Married by Ben Stuart
Choosing God’s Best by Dr. Don Rauniker
If Singleness is a Gift, What’s the Return Policy by Holly Virden and Michelle McKinney Hammond
When God Writes Your Love Story by Eric and Leslie Ludy

Check out this portion of my website to see other great books that have been such an encouragement to me throughout my journey.

Check out my Inspirational Reading List

 

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